GQ put together a list for the men- 35 truths about marriage. There are some gems in there, for example:
No. 4- Say this in a love note “the moon lives in the lining of your skin- pablo neruda”
No. 5- Don’t say this in a love note “I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body- Neruda too”
I guess say that if you want to sound like one of those people who’ve been abusing bath salts recently and becoming all cannibalistic, eating people’s faces and whatnot. But i digress.
No 34- you’ll be tempted to get a little too dependent. you may become one of those that cant operate outside your marriage, stopped playing soccer with your friends on Saturday morning, and slowly, can’t remember how your friends look like, or how to use the washing machine. Giving up on your old self completely is tempting. Don’t do it.
On the other hand, No. 35- the dependency is beautiful and important. “And yes, terrifying. But what’s more terrifying: giving yourself over to someone so completely, or never letting go at all?”
Very wise words, but very hard to draw the line between 34 and 35, and I believe it’s a very thin line. Some people slowly slip into the over-dependency camp without realising it, and one day wake up to realise they no longer recognise the person in the mirror. At the same time, what’s the point of being with a partner if you can’t rely/depend on them- But how do you really evaluate where you stand, and how often do we have to check on ourselves? I don’t have the answers so if you do, drop me a line.
Finally, this is one of the most important truths of all: No 23- you’ll learn that her feelings are real! (with an exclamation point)
You’re going to think, from time to time, that your wife is crazy. The only reason we don’t realize that most people are crazy is that we’re not married to most people. But here’s the key: Don’t tell her she’s crazy. Not only that: Stop thinking she’s crazy. Treat her irrational feelings as rational, because that’s how they feel to her. It’s called compassion. And marriage is one of the few ways we ever really learn it.
Now, i say amen to that. I love GQ, this is one of the many reasons why.